The Akatsuki's Adventure Through Bad Fanfiction
by Midnathething
Summary: When Kakuzu makes a mistake and offends a strange redhead, later revealed to be an Uzumaki, the Akatsuki is left with a strange threat. "Mark my words, Akatsuki, you will all pay for this mistake." Now Akatsuki is lost in another world and trying to figure out what this thing people keep calling High School is. Parody fic!
1. And So It Begins

**Authors Note: At first I only made this story to parody bad fanfiction, but now I'm kind of wanting to do more with it. I will mention now, I do have a few ideas for the first few chapters of this, but I'd still like a little help from you guys. If you've seen ridiculously overdone ideas that are generally always badly written tell me about them in the review box, and if you're feeling mean give a story example, because I will read it so I can know how to parody it.  
**

**If you decide to help thanks, if you don't I'm still glad that you're reading this.**

**Alas, I do not own Naruto or Naruto Shippuden **

**-Midnathething**

Hidan knew he had a slight tendency to be just a little rude, impulsive and violent sometimes, but he would still say, even if he hadn't been asked, that he wasn't stupid. He would also point out he hadn't been the idiot who'd upset the strange redhead, that had all been Kakuzu's fault. Even though Hidan hadn't recognized the redhead, he'd never known the guy, why should he have, the Jashinist had known.

The albino man had known that the strange redhead with the aura of insanity drifting around him had been an Uzumaki. Which was why he got the fortune of explaining to the Akatsuki that, no, he hadn't been the one to pick the fight for once, and no, the supposed curse the redhead had laid upon them all wasn't his fault. The fact the the missing ninja didn't seem to believe him was just a little frustrating though.

"I'm telling you shitheads, the second we let out guards down, some shit's gonna happen!" Hidan shouted, his frustration slowly building. "The redhead _felt_ crazy and the asshole _flung_ a seal at us! There's no way in hell he wasn't an Uzumaki!"

Everyone looked to Kakuzu to confirm or deny Hidan's story.

The former Taki ninja awkwardly cleared his throat. "Well, he was definitely a redhead, and he definitely threw something at us that vanished without a trace... If this is an Uzumaki we've upset, what do you think he'll do?"

Itachi, who had previous Uzumaki exposure, cleared his throat quietly, hoping the action wouldn't trigger a fit of coughing. "That all depends on what the redhead said, do either of you remember his exact words?"

Hidan simply snorted while Kakuzu rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"I can give you a few clips of the conversation and the general gist of what he said." The Taki ninja offered.

Sir Leader nodded, giving Kakuzu the signal to speak.

"He pretty much said we suck, something about ramen, and that we'd pay for what we'd done. His exact words on that last part were, _"Mark my words, Akatsuki, you will all pay for this mistake."_ . He also mentioned something about defiling the ramen so we can assume his method of attack, whatever it'll be, will be horrible."

"... You did something to a strange redhead's ramen? What did you expect to do? Summon Hidan's strange god or something?" Kisame demanded, his face falling into his palm.

"I must agree with Kisame on this." Sasori stated, a hint of irritation in his tone.

"Why the hell do the rest of us have to suffer for what you two did un?!" Deidara demanded angrily.

"While I'm technically not in this group, I do still have the ring." Orochimaru commented, making his appearance known. "Am I going to have to deal with this too? Because I will be very displeased if I must."

"In case you missed it Orochimaru," Konan began sweetly, "No one is happy to have to deal with this."

"What about Tobi? **He's never had a ring but he's still part of the group.** Will anything happen to him, **and if anything does happen, how will we know if he's safe?**" Zetsu asked, frowning.

"... We're just going to have to hope for the best, if it's some sort of illusion or false world we'll have to wait it out. If it's some sort of attack we'll need to take many cautions." Itachi hummed, glancing at the hologram of Orochimaru. "And why is _he_ here?"

"I get the feeling you don't like me Itachi-Kun." Orochimaru commented, sounding thoroughly amused.

"We're just going to have to wait it out." Nagato decided, frowning. "Everyone be ready for either long term unconsciousness or a fight. This means no stairs Hidan, Kakuzu."

There was a bit of grumbling but Sir Leader's verdict was accepted.

. . .

A few day had passed and the Akatsuki, plus Tobi and Orochimaru, had almost forgotten about the threat. This was of course then the seal had to activate itself.

With a painful jerking and a strange spiral the missing ninja all felt themselves pulled away from their bodies and _thrown_. The experience was incredibly disorienting and knocked out even Deidara who was used to traveling roughly.

The missing ninja were unable to awaken, unable to see what fate awaited them.

Unable to realize just how much they were going to hate the seal of the strange Uzumaki.


	2. Middle School AU: Part One

**Authors Note: Well, I think I've thought up how this is going to be done. Each AU parody will probably have two or three chapters dedicated to it, give or take based on how I plan to write it. You may have noticed from the chapter name, the first AU that shall be parodied is the Middle School AU (Which is much less common then the High School AU, but still done). This is being done for the plot (I actually have one planned!) so please don't be too upset that we're not starting right off with the High School AU (please?).**

**Still don't own Naruto or Naruto Shippuden and I certainly don't own the ideas I'm parodying.**

**-Midnathething**

When he finally dragged himself back to consciousness, Hidan was immediately certain that something was wrong. He had no clue where he was, he couldn't feel any chakra anywhere, and his pendant was gone. The fact that someone was poking him with a stick made him suspect Tobi was nearby, and Tobi's presence never brought good things.

With a yawn the Jashinist glanced around the room, his eyes locking on the glowing numbers of a clock that read 5:42AM. While Hidan was far more of a morning person than anyone else in the group, he still couldn't help wondering why he was up so early. He suspected the lack of chakra and unfamiliar environment were to blame.

The silver haired ninja forced himself to think. What would have moved him, and apparently Tobi, to some strange place where chakra didn't exist? The angry Uzumaki and the flung seal came to mind, causing the Jashinist to swear.

Whatever was going on, that Uzumaki had caused it. He was practically at the redheaded stranger's mercy and there was nothing he could do about it. Being so helpless made the Jashinist want to scream. The urge may have also been influenced by the constant poking though.

"Tobi if you don't stop poking me I will shove that stick so far up your ass..." The poking stopped.

Hidan grinned. He'd probably be able to get back to sleep now that Tobi wasn't poking him. After getting more sleep he'd be able to think more clearly, more able to fight if needed. The Jashinist fell backwards onto the bed.

Just as he was nearly able to fall back asleep all the lights in the room were turned on and a woman shouted something about chores and school.

Of course.

. . .

At about 6:30AM Hidan found himself, now wearing some stupid uniform that all the other kids were wearing, being shoved out the door with some bag that had been dumped into his arms. The woman hadn't even thanked him and the other kids for helping out with the things she'd wanted done in the morning.

Hidan sleepily ran a hand through his hair a few times to get it to lay back the way he liked it as he glanced around at the faces of the children. He didn't recognize most of them, though he was pretty sure he might have seen one or two of them in one of Kakuzu's bingo books... Someone hitting the back of his head and calling him an idiot was completely unexpected.

Hidan spun around to glare at Kakuzu. "The hell was that for, asshole?!" Out of reflex, he reached for his scythe. The Jashinist was completely unsurprised to not find it there.

The ninja turned tiny looked irritated. "Don't look so obviously ninja. If that Uzumaki's around or there are others here, you're gonna stand out like a beacon." He growled.

A giggle from behind them made both ninja spin to face the source of the sound. Tobi stood facing them, wearing the same uniform as them, but still wearing the stupid orange mask.

"You're gonna get flagged for the dress-code shit Tobi." Hidan stated flatly.

"Tobi will not because Tobi is a good boy and the mask is for medical proposes, the paperwork says so!" The masked boy exclaimed, waving papers at Hidan and Kakuzu.

Kakuzu muttered something into his palm.

There was a loud rawer-like sound from up the road that made the ninja spin. A large yellow... Thing was moving up the road towards the place where the children from the orphanage stood.

A Kiri profanity alerted the ninja to Kisame's presence. "Holy shit, when the hell'd you get here Kisame?" Hidan demanded, glaring.

Kisame stood, looking flat out tiny in comparison to how he'd looked before, staring at Hidan with a look of mixed amusement and irritation. The Hoshigaki was no longer blue, instead he was pale, missing the gill-like markings on his face. The only things that had really stayed the same were Kisame's blue hair and his shark-like grin, which was still filled with pointed teeth that no normal human should have had.

"Nice to see you too Hidan, and It's really your fault that I'm here." He said, glancing at the large slow-moving yellow thing. "I don't suppose any of you know what that is?"

"No."

"Hell no."

"The mean lady who yelled at Tobi for not getting up mentioned something called a bus."

"Shit, the world must be ending, Tobi was just useful." Hidan muttered, shaking his head.

The large yellow machine, now identified as a bus, finally pulled up in front of the children and stopped. As it waited, it's doors opening with an irritating squeak, the bus made a loud rumbling sound, temporarily ending any conversations for the ninja.

After watching the other children, they were less than thrilled to discover that they'd have to _get on_ the slow moving yellow machine.

Hidan, to no one's surprise, swore.

. . .

A few moments later, four tiny ninja had sat down in the back of the bus after deciding it would be the easiest place to defend and the easiest place to escape from if necessary. They were less than thrilled when three more now tiny ninja joined them.

More specifically, they were less than thrilled when Orochimaru, who was with the split halves of Zetsu, joined them.

"Why are you here." Kisame growled, glaring daggers at the snake Sannin. Who admittedly looked much less snake-like now.

Orochimaru, after tucking stray hair behind he ear, answered with, "I'm here for the same reason as you. Those two," He pointed at Hidan and Kakuzu, "Made a stupid mistake,"

"**I think he meant what are you doing here,** as in sitting back here with the rest of us?" The two Zetsu's spoke, still able to speak in turns as they had before. It was disturbing.

Kisame nodded to the two Zetsus.

"I'm sitting back here because I though one of you might have half a clue what's going on or where we're going. Believe me, it's not because I like you people."

Hidan glared. "We know just as much as you snake-y."

"Tobi knows the mean lady mentioned something about a school." The masked child muttered, mostly to himself, much to the irritation of the ninja trying to send Orochimaru away.

"Really? How curious..." The Sannin muttered, leaning back and closing his eyes. The bus stopped, nearly throwing the tiny ninja to the floor, earning a fit of swearing from Hidan.

A small dark haired blur running out of one of the houses, waving over his shoulder to an even smaller dark haired child, ran up the steps of the bus, pausing to apologize to the driver of the machine. The missing ninja stared at the once again tiny Uchiha Itachi in shook.

Silently, he moved to the back of the bus, glaring at Orochimaru as he passed the Sannin, and took a seat with Kisame. "I don't like it here." He stated flatly, earning himself looks of surprise. "People who should be dead are alive and this place uses people's desires against them." The Uchiha explained in his normal monotone.

"I'm a helpless goddamned orphan, unless that's something I've been wanting without realizing it, this place it playing with _your _desires." Hidan spat, rubbing where his pendant should have been hanging against his chest.

The other ninja nodded thoughtfully, this information taking a few moments to digest. "So it's made so only a few of us will want to leave in the end. It's made either to separate us or trap us here, most likely the later." Orochimaru stated, frowning.

"How the hell do you know that? And what makes you think that?" Hidan asked, glancing over to Kakuzu who seemed to be thinking over Orochimaru's theory.

"**He knows it because the Uzumaki said he'd make us pay.** He probably intends to cause us physical and emotional pain. **The place is designed so some of us will want to stay so we'll all be forced to.** We entered together, we'll most likely have to leave the same way." The two halves of Zetsu explained, both frowning.

"Very good Zetsu." Orochimaru commented, nodding. "It's very likely that while some have what they want most, like say, Itachi, others will not and will want to leave like Hidan while the first group wants to stay. This will turn us against each other and make us try and kill each other, which will also trap us here."

"How the hell does snake-y know all that?" Hidan asked Kakuzu, blinking as he followed the snake Sannin's logic. It worked.

"Orochimaru understands how people work, he knows what they want and how to use that to trick them. When he doesn't know all that, he knows how to trick people into telling him what they want. A simpler way to explain it is while he's bad at people-ing, he understands how others work disturbingly well." Kakuzu explained, watching the snake Sannin wearily.

Once again the bus stopped, letting on a blond and a redhead, both of whom moved towards the back of the bus. As they got closer the ninja heard them arguing quietly.

"Deidei-Chan, Saso-Chan! How nice of you to join us." Hidan said, grinning.

"Deidara-Senpai!" Tobi cheered, wrapping his arms around the blond.

"Deidara, Sasori." Itachi greeted, nodding.

"Help we've been suffering from long term Orochimaru exposure." The paler of the two Zetsu said, earning himself an elbow to the side from the darker of the two.

The two artists took a seat together, twisting to face the other tiny ninja. "So we're all here except for Leader and Konan?" Sasori asked after taking a quick head count.

The ninja nodded.

"Sasori and I live down the street from each other un, apparently we already knew each other." Deidara explained, hoping to kill confusion the two of them being together might have caused.

"**Most of us are orphans in the same building.**" Zetsu's darker half stated.

"I live with my..." Itachi paused as if confused. "I live with my parents and little brother."

Kisame stared, frowning. "That's what you meant earlier? About not liking this place?" When Itachi nodded he asked, "So the shrimp was your little brother?"

Itachi nodded again before glaring threateningly at Orochimaru. "Speaking of him, I think we need to discus seals and why yours don't go on my little brother."

The bus lurched to a stop again, cutting off any rants Itachi may have had in mind about his little brother. First, a blue haired girl with her hair twisted into a bun got on the bus, the paper flower in her hair practically screaming that she was Konan. She was followed by a small redhead who's hair seemed to be longer than her's and covered his eyes.

They joined the missing ninja at the back of the bus, Nagato's red hair earning him a few stares.

"Orochimaru quit giving me that look, you've seen me before for Kami's sake!" Nagato snapped, glaring at the Sannin.

His tone immediately told the missing ninja who it was.

"Shit, Sir Leader's an Uzumaki? No wonder this group's plan was so god damn crazy!" Hidan exclaimed.

"He really doesn't have a filter between his brain and his mouth. I'd hoped that was just a show." Orochimaru muttered.

"He doesn't have an off button either un." Deidara sighed.

"I really do think we should focus on the problem at hand." Kakuzu stated, covering Hidan's mouth before the Jashinist could begin complaining. He hissed in pain when the boy bit him.

Nagato nodded. "First, we should sort out where everyone lives. Konan and I live with my parents, they apparently adopted her after her parents died in a house fire."

"I'm living with my grandmother and her brother, they apparently adopted me after my parents died." Sasori sighed.

"People I don't know who are apparently my parents un." Deidara muttered, glancing out the bus window.

"My parents and little brother." Itachi stated, blinking slowly as if still confused by the idea.

"**The rest of us are apparently orphans, we stay in the same building.** The Uzumaki separated us." Zetsu finished.

The bus stopped again, though no one of interest got on.

"Tobi knows his family also died in a fire here." The masked ninja contributed thoughtfully.

"If fires turn out to a thing here I'm stabbing someone." Kakuzu decided with a sigh.

The bus pulled up to the school and jerked to a stop again. "Someone really should look at that..." Nagato sighed, picking himself up from the floor.

"I'll say." Deidara agreed, rubbing his arm with a frown after having caught himself against the seat.

. . .

The ninja, once all off the bus, looked around with frowns. They had absolutely no clue where they were supposed to go. "This is worse than that time they used the hiding in the mist jutsu inside the school." Kisame muttered.

The other ninja stared.

"Kiri was weird okay?"

The tiny ninja all agreed.

Hidan was the one to notice the piece of paper, more than a scrap but less than a sheet, floating along on the wind. "Oi, look. Where the hell'd it come from?" Hidan asked, pointed out the paper.

Konan was the one to catch and unfold the sheet of paper. "There's... A message... For all of us." She murmured.

The group of ninja formed a circle around the note, which was held so everyone could see it.

"This isn't right, something's up." Kisame stated, looking the letter over.

"See any secret messages Kisame?" Nagato asked, frowning at the note.

"... That's the thing, I don't." The Hoshigaki sighed.

The message read;

_"Welcome, Akatsuki,_

_To a world created and controlled with seals,_

_In this first world you will all learn your first valuable lesson,_

_But first, a question,_

_Friendships are all too easily broken,_

_Don't you think?_

_The true challenge is not creating them,_

_But preserving them through tragedy."_

"... What does that even mean un?" Deidara asked, gently taking the paper for closer examination. "No hidden explosives or anything..."

"Why would the Uzumaki send us this, to taunt us?" Kakuzu speculated out loud.

"I believe he intended to kill us but changed his mind." Orochimaru stated, gaining the attention of the others once again. "He's an Uzumaki correct? Nagato's an Uzumaki too, and with how few of them there are left it's really not a surprise he'd leave us alive."

Hidan took the note from Deidara. "It isn't even written with poison... Oro-Chan's right. But what the hell's this supposed to mean?" The Jashinist crumpled the note and threw it as hard as he could in frustration.

The note vanished before hitting the ground was even a possibility.

The group of tiny ninja stared. "Did that really just...?" Kisame couldn't help asking.

No one ever got the chance to answer, as one of the teachers stalked over and began yelling at them before flocking them all to "the office" because they were outside even though "classes had started."

The Akatsuki, now aged around twelve or thirteen, were only getting more and more confused.

**I've decided not to provide long elaborate explanations of what all the characters look like. Doing all that just gives me this bad vibe and seems lazy so, sorry if you were hoping for an elaborate explanation (If you want one, mention it in the review box and I can leave one in the next chapter or something). The only thing I will say is that Itachi and Tobi don't have the Sharingan, Nagato doesn't have the Rinnegan, Zetsu has been split into two people, Kisame looks _mostly _normal, and Orochimaru's tongue is not like 80 feet (24.4 meters) long anymore. **


	3. Middle School AU: Part Two

**Authors Note: Well, this took an unreasonably long time to write didn't it? My excuse is that I was having many difficulties writing this, no matter what I wrote, it didn't seem quite right. Everyone knows what I'm talking about, right? I guess Sasori is just a pain to write with. Sorry about a shortish chapter that feels... meh, I'll try to do better next time without taking a month to update.**

**Alas, I don't own Naruto (But if I did SasuSaku would have never been canon. Salad? Really?).**

**-Midnathething**

The Principle's office, Sasori reflected, had been no where near as intimidating as the teacher had made it sound. The trip to the office had been bland, or in Hidan's words, "Really goddamn boring." The trip might have been more entertaining or useful if the teacher had been willing to answer the questions of the tiny ninja instead of glaring and telling them to be quiet in the hallways. The visit to the office itself, however, was just as bad, if not worse, as the walk to the room had been.

Half an hour of being yelled at by a balding, middle aged man was not Sasori's definition of fun, it was in fact far from what the redhead would have called 'fun.' The main takeaway from the principle's rant had been that they were all delinquents, he'd be calling all of their parents or guardians, and, while he'd expected this kind of behavior from the orphans, he'd expected better from the children with families. Sasori, an orphan in the true world, was very proud of himself for not stabbing the man to death with one of his pens.

Much to the former Suna ninja's surprise, he hadn't been the first one to lose his temper, and neither had Hidan, even with his tendency to seek conflict. No, the first ninja to lose their temper had been Deidara, who seemed to think he'd been born to challenge authority.

The blond had pointed out that the longer the man yelled at them, the more class time they'd be missing because of him. The former Iwa ninja had told the principle that he had been wasting their class time, which the blond proceed to point out he claimed he valued. The principle had turned a color somewhere between red and purple and given them all detentions for the rest of the week.

It was Monday.

. . .

It was while the group of ninja were walking up the hallway - they'd been pushed in it's direction by the Principe's secretary - that Hidan voiced the thoughts of the ninja around him. "That guy was a power-drunk asshat."

There were nods and murmurs of agreement as the group of tiny ninja looked around, clinging to the small hope that they'd be able to find out where they were and where they were meant to go. Itachi had began searching his remarkably well organized bag for some sort of clue.

Sasori watched curiously, raising an eyebrow but saying nothing. The Uchiha pulled a paper from his bag, which Sasori couldn't help but notice was spotless - he suspected noticing had something to do with being an artist. Printed on the paper was Itachi's schedule for the school day. As all the other missing ninja began searching for their own schedules Itachi seemed to decide to memorize the paper, at least, that was the impression Sasori got from from the intensity which Itachi was observing the paper with.

Once the tiny ninja had all located and memorized their own schedules they compared the paper to see if they'd have classes together. Unfortunately, the majority of the time, the answer was no. With the acceptation of lunch, which appeared to be something everyone in an age group would have together at the same time, no more than three of them would be in the same classroom at once. It was an unfortunate setup, Sasori thought with a frown, especially considering that they still didn't know how to return to the true world.

After they'd compared their schedules and figured out where they were meant to go, Nagato formed a plan. If there was an important message, he'd explained, they could get it to each other by passing the message to the other ninja in their class, who would then pass it on to the ninja they shared the next class with, and so forth until they'd all received the message. If all else failed or they required elaboration on something, he'd added, they had the bus trips and lunch break to use to meet and discus things. The plan wasn't ideal, but considering that they had been given no warning that they were going to be flung into the chakra-lacking world, it was decent.

"One more thing everyone, try to stay out of trouble until we know more about what's going on in this world. We don't want to cause ourselves, or this world's versions of us, more problems than we already have. And Hidan?" Nagato asked, turning to face the Jashinist as he gnawed on his thumbnail.

The Jashinist hummed and raised an eyebrow.

"Try not to start too many fights, we don't know if your immortality carried over with you to this world when we were sent here. You might be able to die now." Chilling warning given, the redhead spun and began walking up the hallway.

"Dismissed." He called over his shoulder, ending the brief meeting.

Sasori sighed. It was going to be a long, inconvenient, day.

. . .

Sasori's schedule, History, Art, Mathematics, Japanese, Lunch, Wood Shop, Study Hall, Science, and Physical Education, was boredom in its purest form stretched over the course of eight hours. At least, that was the conclusion the redhead had reached during Mathematics, which was a class so simple he'd have been able to do most of the equations the class was shown in his sleep. Instead of listening to the teacher attempt to explain basic number theorems to the students in vein Sasori had decided to think about something important.

A way to return to the true world.

The Uzumaki's strange message continuously replayed itself in the former Suna ninja's mind, but, much to his frustration, he was still no closer to an answer as to what the message meant. The message had implied that the Akatsuki was going to learn an important message in the strange world, but all they'd received were lessons so simple children could understand them. What baffled Sasori the most about the message was its mention of friendship. No one in Akatsuki considered each other friends, in fact, most of them hated each other. Was the message referring to Konan and Nagato?

The idea was a possibility but something - Sasori wasn't quiet sure what - didn't add up properly. The redhead groaned and wondered once again what the Uzumaki could possibly want from the ninja he'd trapped.

. . .

Much to Sasori's surprise, when the group of missing ninja met up during lunch Orochimaru showed up too. While it made sense that he would, they were after all the only ones there from the true world other than him, it still seemed odd that the Sannin was willing to meet up with a group of ninja, the majority of whom hated him.

While the lunch room was larger than most classrooms in the school, the gymnasium had been much cleaner and much bigger, it was still nowhere near big enough to comfortably fit all of the school's students. Sasori had, after seeing the glop on plastic trays the students received, decided he didn't feel like taking the risk of eating one of the new world's strange school lunches. The rest of the missing ninja, it turned out, agreed with Sasori on the 'Not-Risking-Eating-The-Potential-Poisonus-Lunch-Thing' plan because when they met up in the quietest corner of the lunchroom none of them had a school lunch.

Even in a quieter corner of the lunch room it was far too loud for the tastes of a group of trained killers, so they slipped out of the noisy room and into the much quieter hallways. After a bit of wandering in the hallways, the ninja found an area tolerable for holding meetings during the lunch break hidden under one of the flights of stairs. A bit of swearing and some dusting later and the area was even clean enough that it might take more than a few minutes to get lung problems from being there.

Once everyone had sat down and was mostly comfortable Nagato cleared his throat. "It looks like we're this world's equivalent of an academy student right now, so we probably won't be able to get away with killing people." There was a pointed look at Hidan. "So, has anyone made progress on the Uzumaki's message?"

Sasori scowled. "It doesn't make sense, it talks about us learning some valuable message while we're here then goes off on some speech about friendship."

"The Uzumaki does know we all hate each other, right?" Kakuzu asked in a dry tone.

Nagato was biting his thumbnail again. "Konan, any ideas?"

"The message could apply to specific people in the group, but that seems unlikely since the Uzumaki's message was addressed to everyone..." The blue haired girl trailed off, before adding, "It sounds like the Uzumaki intends to challenge friendships formed within the group, but..." The blue haired girl looked away without finishing her sentence.

The fact that most of the ninja in the group hated each other, however, was well enough known that the ninja all knew what Konan had avoided saying. Orochimaru sighed.

"I... Have a theory, but it has little to no support so far. I'd hoped someone else would reach the same conclusion as me because that in itself would be support, but," The snake Sannin sighed again. "It sounds like the Uzumaki intends to teach us something about friendship." Even if Sasori hadn't been able to see Orochimaru's face he'd have known the Sannin was sneering from his tone.

The Sannin received baffled stared from most of the other ninja.

Itachi glared at Orochimaru before sighing. "As much as I hate agreeing with you, your theory makes sense."

Sasori rose an eyebrow. "Forgive me if this is some sort of Konoha friendship thing, but that makes no sense. Most of us can't be in the same room for more than an hour without trying to kill each other."

"Maybe the Uzumaki knows that..." Tobi mumbled thoughtfully, Sasori got the impression that the masked ninja hadn't meant to speak out loud.

The ninja all stared at Tobi, waiting for further explanation. The masked ninja stared back from under his mask.

"What? Was it something Tobi said?" He asked, scratching behind his ear sheepishly.

"That... Actually makes sense when you think about it." Konan said, blinking in surprise.

The school bell rang, dismissing the ninja to their next classes.

"We need to think this over... If any of you come up with something else like this, tell us during detention." Nagato called as he ran off in the direction if his next class.

Sasori sighed. only half of the day had passed and he was already irritated and resisting the urge to stab someone.

. . .

When the group met for detention, directions provided by Itachi, they weren't surprised when they were told that they weren't allowed to talk. They settled for communicating with hand signs in a manner similar to the Anbu. If the teacher had noticed, they didn't seem care enough to say anything. Sasori got the impression the teacher didn't want to be in the detention room either.

Itachi, it turned out, was the only one well enough equated with the Anbu hand signs to have full conversations that flowed well. No one was particularly surprised, but Deidara had sulked about it for a few minutes. In the end the ninja had, in broken hand seal, decided to save their conversation for until they were on their way home.

Sasori didn't fail to notice the impressed nods from other students in detention. The redhead also didn't fail to notice the disbelieving stares directed at Itachi from other students in detention. It appeared the Uchiha had a reputation.

When the clock finally decreed the students could leave the ninja quickly left for their bus, Hidan making sure to glare at the school one last time before getting onto the loud machine.

The ninja took their seats and turned to face each other.

"If we really have to do this for four more days, I may kill someone." Kakuzu growled.

Hidan swore. Sasori groaned.

One day had been awful enough, but they would have to do this four more times?

Sasori nearly cursed the Uzumaki who'd banished them to his seal world. Nearly.


	4. Middle School AU: Part Three

**Authors Note: Hehe, sorry this chapter took a while. Orochimaru is a difficult character to write with. Seriously, I had to rewrite this chapter like eight times. And then my computer froze and deleted everything I'd written (Moving also made the wait for this chapter absurd) ... On the bright side, you guys get a HUGE chapter to make up for the wait! Does that count as a bright side? Are you all currently plotting my death?**

**On a different note, this is the conclusion of the Middle School Arch. The next chapter will **_**probably**_** be the High School Arch, though I make no promises.**

**Anyhow, bad excuses aside, I still don't own Naruto or Naruto Shippuden.**

**-Midnathething**

When Orochimaru awoke Friday morning it was far earlier than usual. That was not, however, what he noticed. What he noticed was the unshakeable feeling that something was _wrong_. A sense of dread hung in the air, so thick he could have drowned in it if it had been a physical substance. The dark haired ninja was certain he'd heard about the feeling before and nothing good ever came with it. Tsunade had felt it before the death of her little brother, Jiraiya had felt it before the death of one of his students. Bad things followed the feeling of dread.

The Sannin shook his head and forced himself to get up. Whatever was causing the dread he felt wouldn't go away just because he'd refused to get out of bed.

. . .

The school uniform, normally comfortable if its lack of armor was ignored, felt like it was strangling him. Orochimaru pulled at the collar of the uniform uncomfortably, not for the first time, a hiss of discomfort escaping his lips.

"If you pull on that anymore it's going to rip un." Came the voice of Deidara, snapping Orochimaru's thoughts away from his discomfort.

The darker haired ninja attempted to hide the surprise Deidara speaking to him triggered, though he suspected he'd failed. The Akatsuki had avoided him unless conversation was absolutely necessary and he couldn't imagine why they'd decide to communicate with him now. "Your point?" He asked, frowning thoughtfully.

"If you get flagged for dress code you'll have a detention for sure, you've seen how that power drunk asshole of a Principe acts." The blond gestured for Orochimaru to move over in his seat.

"And the Akatsuki is suddenly worried about me and what happens to me why?" The Sannin asked, moving to make space for the blond.

The blond glanced up the isle to see if the bus driver was watching before moving into Orochimaru's seat. "They're not, I'm just checking something out myself."

The Sannin rose an eyebrow. "And what is that?"

"Look, Sasori and Itachi hate you. I despise the Uchiha and, at best, disagree with Sasori about a lot of things. I want to decide what I think about you myself un." The blond explained, running a hand through his hair.

Orochimaru rose an eyebrow. "You are aware of my reputation of being an insane scientist who's experimented on, and killed, countless children aren't you?"

Deidara snorted. "Yeah, and I'm sure you're aware of my reputation as a terrorist bomber who blows things up for the hell of it un. Besides, it's amazing how rumors can twist stories to the point that they aren't even recognizable anymore." There was probably a story to the later of the blond's two sentences.

Orochimaru blinked, having not expected Deidara's answer to be so... Blunt. The blond missing ninja, Orochimaru decided, had potential to be interesting. "The Uchiha doesn't hate you, you know." He said, watching the blond for his reaction carefully.

"He doesn't appreciate my art, the damn arrogant eyed bastard, and that's worse than him hating me un." Deidara countered, irritation snaking into his voice.

Orochimaru wasn't sure the blond's assumption about Itachi and his understanding of art was correct but he decided to not press the matter, the Uchiha seemed to upset the blond. Instead, he decided to press a different matter. "Sasori's opinion about art, it's very different from yours. Practically the opposite, actually. Is that why you two argue?"

The blond ran a hand through his hair and laughed, though there was no humor to the sound. "Asking about it like that makes it sound so simple, like we're just two children who can't quite get along about something un. There's more to it than that, it's more than just a simple disagreement in philosophy. It's just that..." Deidara's voice trailed off and the blond sighed, his eyes clouding with a memory. His expression became unreadable and after a long pause he said, "Never mind. It's not important un."

Orochimaru frowned, wondering what the blond had been about to say. Whatever it had been, it was something personal. Had he said something that had made the blond almost trust him, and if so, what?

The bus pulled up to the school.

The missing nin from Iwa was worth keeping an eye on. "If you need someone to talk to," Orochimaru stood, "You know where to find me."

The Akatsuki, it seemed, had a talent for finding interesting people.

. . .

Sitting straight, Orochimaru stared forward pretending to listen to the teacher's lesson. He wasn't very interested in learning more about the world they'd been trapped in, but even if he had been he wouldn't have been able to pay much attention to the teacher's lesson. His mind was cluttered with questions and stray facts that could, once properly organized, form answers, and it was distracting him. Orochimaru knew this was abnormal but suspected the sense of dread he'd awoken to had something to do with the state of disarray his mind was in.

The Sannin drummed his fingers on his desk thoughtfully, closing his eyes to block out the distracting movements of other students and the teacher. His first priority was getting home, and in order to do that him and the Akatsuki would have to meet some sort of criteria set by the Uzumaki that had trapped them there, that much was obvious. The message the Uzumaki had left them was some sort of hint, but deciphering the meaning of the message had been difficult for the missing ninja.

Friendship.

The Uzumaki wanted them to learn something about friendship, that much was obvious but Orochimaru wasn't sure what the Uzumaki could do to teach a group of missing ninja who hated each other about friendship. In theory, Orochimaru mused, the Uzumaki could use the seals he'd claimed were controlling the world to manipulate the ninja's thoughts into what he was looking for, yet he seemed to have no desire to do this if the past few days had been anything to go by. The Uzumaki, it seemed, intended to teach them a lesson without manipulation.

Orochimaru wondered once again what the Uzumaki considered a tool for teaching the Akatsuki a lesson in friendship.

The Sannin recited the Uzumaki's message in his head once again. _"Welcome, Akatsuki, To a world created and controlled with seals, In this first world you will all learn your first valuable lesson,But first, a question. Friendships are all too easily broken, Don't you think? The true challenge is not creating them, But preserving them through tragedy."_ Orochimaru's blood froze as he remembered the last words.

He'd found the answers he'd been looking for, and he didn't like what he'd found. Multiple questions had been answered and the only thing his answers brought were unease. What would the Uzumaki use to teach them about friendship? What had the Uzumaki's message been? What had the message meant? The Uzumaki's message had been a warning, there was little meaning to it other than that, and they would learn about friendship or tragedy would strike. Time had ran out.

. . .

Orochimaru nearly ran to find _someone_ from Akatsuki when the class he'd been in, the last class of the day, ended. There was a chance he'd been wrong and he was overreacting, but that was why he needed to find someone. A second opinion on this matter would be invaluable and would tell him if he'd made a breakthrough or his judgement was being clouded by the lurking sense of dread.

The fact that whatever the Uzumaki was planning would be a tragedy only made finding someone, getting a second opinion, and informing the others more important.

Deidara turned out to to be the first Akatsuki ninja Orochimaru found. The Sannin pushed the incident on the bus from his mind. The blond had been getting his things from his locker but had abandoned this activity in favor of casting a curious look in Orochimaru's direction as the Sannin ran up to him. There was a spark of confusion coloring his eyes when he asked, "Uh, hi, what's up un?"

From the blond's reaction, Orochimaru's realization had left him visibly shaken. "I think I've figured something out."

The blond's eyes darkened. "Ah. Can it wait for until the others are here?"

"I doubt the teacher holding detention will let us inform the others and the information may be time sensitive." The Sannin answered with a shake of his head.

"Ah... Tell me now then un." Deidara shut his locker and ran a hand through his hair.

"The Uzumaki was attempting to give us time to... From positive emotional bonds, you remember how the message he sent us mentioned a tragedy?" The blond nodded once before Orochimaru continued, "His message was a warning about what would happen if we ran out of time and... We're out of time. Something is going to happen."

Deidara didn't question how Orochimaru had reached this conclusion, he instead began fidgeting with some of his hair. "That... Can't be good."

"No, it can't. Do you know where the others are?" Orochimaru asked, tapping his fingers against his knee.

"I know where Sasori is, but you two don't-"

Orochimaru cut the blond off with a shake of his head. "I'm sure he can set aside personal feelings for at least a few moments for this. The best thing we can do now is warn the others."

Deidara nodded. "Follow me then."

. . .

Sasori's expression when Deidara and Orochimaru ran up to him together, the Sannin reflected, would have been priceless in any other situation.

"Brat, what's going on?" The redhead demanded.

"He," The blond jabbed his thumb in Orochimaru's direction, "Figured something out. It's important un."

The redhead scowled in Orochimaru's direction. "He's not trustworthy, Brat. How do you know he isn't lying?"

Orochimaru sighed. "Sasori, at least hear me out. You can decide whether you believe me or not later."

"Fine."

"You remember the Uzumaki's message, correct?" Orochimaru asked, though he was certain the redhead's answer would be yes.

Sasori simply nodded.

Orochimaru took a deep breath. "The message was a warning. The Uzumaki was attempting to give us time to form positive emotional attachments. We've run out of time, and if the message was anything to go by, something the Uzumaki considers a tragedy will occur."

For a few moments, Sasori said nothing. "That... Matches up with the Uzumaki's message, but what evidence do you have that something bad is going to happen now?"

This was where this became difficult, unpredictable. "You are aware of the... Feeling people speak of when they feel that something is wrong?"

The redheads eyes darkened as he remembered something before lighting with a new understanding. "You don't have tangible evidence, but you _know_."

Orochimaru nodded.

"While I still don't like or particularly trust you, I believe you. We need to find the others."

. . .

The others, it turned out, were already in detention. Of course. The teacher scolded the tiny ninja for being late and demanded they take their seats, threatening them with suspension when Deidara opened his mouth to object. Orochimaru took a seat, carefully clearing his face of emotion. While he disliked waiting, he was capable of it.

Tapping his fingers gently, the Sannin watched the clock on the wall thoughtfully. Each tick was both a blessing and a curse. Each tick brought them closer to the time they would be allowed to leave the classroom. Each tick was another moment passed without incident or sign of the Uzumaki. Each tick brought them closer to the moment when the Uzumaki would strike.

Orochimaru decided that waiting was much more difficult when you were helpless.

The Sannin let his eyes slide shut as his mind began to wander, sighing as he realized that they were only halfway through their last detention.

When the ninja were finally told they could leave and to "Have a nice weekend" Orochimaru was resisting the urge to bash the teachers head in against the wall. How could they "Have a nice weekend" when there was someone with complete power about to attack them?

The ninja filed out of the room, Hidan humming cheerfully. After a few moments, when they were out of the earshot of the teacher in the detention room, Sasori cleared his throat, catching the attention of the various ninja. "Orochimaru figured something out and... Well, it's the opposite of good."

As the ninja turned to face him, Orochimaru sighed. "Try not to be too disappointed, but it's not much."

Hidan rolled his eyes. "The spit it out already Oro-Chan" He snapped impatiently.

Orochimaru felt the throbbing behind his eyes that told of a headache approaching. He rubbed the side of his head and asked, "Must you be so loud?"

He was given a blank look from Hidan and a snort from Kakuzu in response. Orochimaru sighed. "Never mind, look, I'm sure you all remember the Uzumaki's message," He paused to watch the ninja nod, "It was a warning. We were meant to reach a goal he'd set for us before time ran out. We've... Time has run out."

There was a short silence.

"Then, what's going to happen?" Asked the paler of the Zetsu twins.

"**And what will we do about it?**" The darker skinned twin added.

"According to the Uzumaki, some sort of tragedy will occur. I'm not sure what we'll do about it since we don't know what going to happen yet." Orochimaru answered, shaking his head.

The trip to the bus was silent.

. . .

The ninja all got off of the bus at the orphanage, their cover being a school project they had to work on. The unease hanging in the air was obvious, nothing had happened yet and it seemed _wrong_. Orochimaru briefly entertained the thought that the Uzumaki was using psychological warfare to dive them mad. Unlikely.

The ninja filed into the building, the individuals who stayed there announcing their return as they kicked off their shoes at the door, and they went to Zetsu's room. Once the door had been shut the ninja relaxed sightly. Though it wasn't much, the small wooden barrier provided by the door was soothing.

The ninja took seats in various areas scattered across the room.

"So, any ideas about what we should do to prepare?" Kisame asked, turning to watch the only window in the room suspiciously.

"There isn't really much we can do." Kakuzu sighed. "The Uzumaki controls this world, he can probably see what we do, he's going to know exactly what we're prepared for."

Hidan let out a loud 'tsk'. "Aren't you a ball of sunshine Kakuzu..." He muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Hidan, Kakuzu, don't." Konan said when the two ninja began to prepare for another one of their many arguments.

Nagato shook his head. "Even if we did prepare it wouldn't matter since we can't get along well enough to actually work together."

Tobi, who had remained surprisingly quietly, abruptly stood up, shaking his head. "We wouldn't have gotten much done with an attitude like this anyhow." He sighed.

"Guys..." Kisame said quietly, failing to gain the attention of the other ninja.

"Well what kind of a shitty attitude do you want us to have then, masky?" Hidan demanded, also rising to his feet.

"Hidan, calm down." The paler of the two Zetsus instructed, glancing to the darker of the duo worriedly.

"Guys." Kisame said slightly louder, still failing to gain the attention of the majority of the ninja.

Itachi looked over to Kisame then followed the taller boy's gaze out the window. "Is that...?" The Uchiha trailed off quietly

"Why the hell should I? We're trapped here at the nonexistent mercy of some damned Uzumaki!" The Jashinist shouted.

"Guys!" Kisame shouted, looking slightly irritated.

"It is..." Itachi breathed out, glancing in the direction of Nagato and Konan.

"What?" Sasori asked in irritation, glaring at the Hoshigaki.

"Look out the window." He instructed, his tone sickeningly sweet. It was the same tone used on children and pets.

The ninja complied and were greeted with the sight of smoke rising rapidly in the distance.

The smoke was coming from the same direction as Nagato and Konan's house. "Isn't that...?" Orochimaru trailed off and glanced at the Ame orphans.

They were simply staring in horror.

Itachi gently grabbed the arms of the two and helped them to their feet. "The odds are it isn't your house but... Would you two like to go check?"

Nagato nodded slowly and began moving towards the door to Zetsu's room, Konan trailing uncertainly after him. The ninja began leaving the room, picking up speed as Nagato and Konan began moving faster. By the time the group reached the door of the orphanage Nagato and Konan were running, the redhead muttering something about not wanting to lose "them" again.

Oh. He thought the smoke was coming from his house. He was talking about his parents. He was worried they were going to die again. Lovely.

Orochimaru was no expert on losing families, he'd never had one in the first place, but he'd gotten the impression that losing a family one time was bad enough, losing a family twice seemed flat out cruel.

It would be a tragedy.

Orochimaru's blood ran cold. Would the Uzumaki really attack the family of Nagato and Konan just to make a point? His hands slid into fists at his sides as he decided on his answer.

The ninja arrived at the still burning home of Nagato and Konan in record time, large machines with flashing lights scattered around the area and many people the ninja didn't recognize running about. A man said something about the ninja not being allowed to pass but he was ignored. Nagato fell to the ground, a sound of pain escaping his lips. Konan seemed to have frozen.

Itachi slowly walked over to a man in a blue vest. "Sir, what happened here?" The Uchiha asked, his non expression in place. Something that looked like sympathy slipped into his features when he glanced at Nagato and Konan but he hid it quickly. "The two over there," He pointed, "They lived here."

The man seemed to recognize Itachi. "Your father wanted to know where you are Itachi, I suspect he wanted you home soon." The not-so-subtle hint earned him a long look from Itachi before the Uchiha glanced at Nagato and Konan. "Fine, you can stay for a few minutes, but I'm personally taking you back to your father's house."

A few moments passed before the man sighed. "It's a suspected arson, there were two bodies found. It's fortunate that those two," He pointed at the Ame orphans, "Weren't here. They'd have been caught in the blaze too."

Itachi nodded. "Thank you, I'll go speak with them."

The man went to speak with a woman in a blue vest similar to the one he wore, gesturing to the group of small ninja occasionally. Itachi quietly rejoined the group, a frown replacing his former non expression. After a few moments he shook his head. "I take it you heard our conversation..." Sympathy slipped onto his face once again

Awkwardly, Orochimaru walked over to Nagato and out a hand on the redhead's shoulder. "I'm sure this is hard but... We'll be here for you." The Sannin hoped the redhead didn't hear the questioning tone in his voice. Comforting people wasn't exactly his forte.

He glanced at the other Akatsuki members and was surprised to see them nodding in agreement to his statement. Sasori helped Nagato and Konan to their feet, mumbling something to them about being there if they needed someone to talk to. Orochimaru was reminded that the majority of Akatsuki had never had parents or had lost them in a war. Fun.

Hidan walked over to the two Ame nin, looking remarkably serious considering that it was Hidan. He put his hands on the shoulders of the two ninja and said nothing for a few moments. Somehow, the gesture provided more comfort than any words the silver haired ninja could have provided.

The Jashinist, Orochimaru decided, was far smarter than the Akatsuki gave him credit for.

"It seems you can learn after all." An unfamiliar voice commented.

The ninja spun to face him, a snarl escaping Hidan's lips and a frown taking shape on Kakuzu's face when the two recognized the speaker. "They didn't deserve to see something like that again, bastard." Hidan growled, taking a strangely defensive stance.

If the Jashinist had been able to read the expressions of the Ame nin thoroughly enough be be able to tell they'd lost their families before, he was _far_ smarter than the Akatsuki had given him credit for.

"I warned you all that tragedy would strike if you failed" The redhead answered simply. Orochimaru was beginning to see why Hidan and Kakuzu had called the Uzumaki insane. "keep in mind," He added cheerfully, "That any of you could die just as easily as the native inhabitants of this world."

Hidan opened his mouth to say something but Kakuzu silenced him by putting a hand between the Jashinist and the Uzumaki.

"Uzumaki-San, it seems cruel to inflict this upon your own relative. Why him?" Itachi asked instead, his tone cool and calculating.

"To set the stage for the next act." He answered. "Speaking of which, I suppose I should send you on your way now, wouldn't want any of you to be late."

There were various confused reactions from the tiny ninja, but the Uzumaki didn't hear them due to vanishing after finishing his cryptic sentence. A gentle wind began blowing, gradually growing in strength until the group of ninja were struggling to stay on their feet. Any sounds of panic the tiny ninja made were masked by the harsh sound of the wind, which continued to grow in strength.

The world fell away and Orochimaru's vision faded to nothing.


End file.
